The Dark Dingy Restaurant

A Method to Get Some Breathing Room from a Deep Depression over a Break-up

This method is not for those who are grieving and processing their feelings in a healthy manner. It is for those who cannot escape the pain and darkness, a darkness that is overtaking them. Darkness and pain that are unbearable...

Imagine that you are in a dark, dingy, abandoned restaurant. A restaurant that has been closed for a long time. This place was vacated and neglected. There are cobwebs in several areas. Food was left on  plates on the tables. The food has mold on it. Utensils are scattered about.

You notice that the walls are covered with many pictures. You make your way over to the pictures. A closer look reveals that those are pictures of… your ex. Pictures of your ex, and pictures of you and your ex together. Your ex looks their best. The photos are of cherished times you had together. You feel some comfort in those beautiful photos. But then you realize there is no one else in the restaurant. It's just you. Alone. And the ex is no longer your mate. They've moved on. You've created scenarios in your mind of how to win them back. You may have tried some of these scenarios, but you're still there, alone, in the dark, dingy restaurant.

In a moment of awareness you realize “why am I torturing myself in this dark place?” You quickly think, “Where’s the door?” You look and see a revolving door. Go to the door! Quickly! You push the revolving door around 180 degrees and you enter a beautiful sunny day outside. It is just so beautiful out. You notice the beauty. You bathe in it and keep walking into it.

When you are re-living memories of your ex or creating ways to win them back or any thoughts that depress you, like “I'm no good” or “they're probably seeing someone”... When you are thinking of that relationship in an emotional way, you are in THE DARK DINGY RESTAURANT.

That restaurant is a memorial of the relationship. Inside that restaurant you are surrounded by darkness. Constant thoughts about your past relationship. More fuel for negativity and pain. Everywhere you look. Every thought you think.

When you realize you are feeling down, notice what you were just thinking. And you may realize that in your mind you are in the restaurant., “Oh! I'm in the restaurant.” Train yourself, in your mind, to run to the revolving door.

Envision yourself getting out of the restaurant immediately. The outside represents enjoying the beauty that surrounds you. How? By choosing to think of things that you can be grateful for. Your breathing, your sight, birds chirping, certain people in your life, the grass, a tree, the sky, the sun. Think of small things or big ones. Maybe, for instance, you have good food available to you…

You then focus on what is in front of you. 

That, metaphorically, is the sunshine.

It will last for one second. You won't even realize that you re-appeared in the restaurant. When you finally do realize that you are in the restaurant again 8 hours could have gone by.

Sometimes you'll realize “oh my gosh I’m in the restaurant again. I've been here for two days and I didn't realize it”. Once you realize this, practice making the next thought in your mind be “go to the door.” You must train yourself so that anytime you realize you are in the restaurant you will immediately “go to the door” in your mind.

Realize you're in the restaurant? Go to the door.

Feel like you just can't get out of the restaurant? Go to the door. 

Feel like you were just here five seconds ago? Go to the door.

No matter what, get to the door as quickly as possible. Do not delay, do not think, just go. Revolve the door and get outside.

It will take time and many trials and many practices but one day you might find that you are outside for five seconds instead of one second. And then you might find that you're outside a whole minute. And the time gets longer and longer that you are able to experience the outside.

And then one day you will realize that you are outside for several hours or even an entire day. Just keep going outside. And keep choosing and re-choosing to find things to be grateful for and choose to focus on what is present. Find them. Scour your surroundings for them.

More on this…

I first created this method for myself in 2004 after being deeply depressed for months over a breakup. This technique brought me out from under the weight and confines of the darkness.

It is recommended to do more than just get out of the restaurant aka dark, negative thinking. The feelings are ripe for processing once you get to a point where it is not overwhelming. Take the opportunity of this period of darkness to learn about yourself including your self image, your core beliefs, your world view and more. What you have experienced in your life and your perceptions of those experiences may be filtering your perception of life, of others, and of your self.

Unexamined, your life, like a rudderless boat, will get moved about with the winds of life. Your past experiences and perceptions leave you rudderless. In this way, you do not have a choice and you have no direction.

Take this opportunity to become aware of your life, your thinking, your feelings, your actions, and your perceptions. Your awareness gives you a choice, it provides you the opportunity to find your own direction.